Black Queer Love Joy: an exploration of romantic narratives and relationships within the Black LGBTQ+ community

It is repetitive to say that love is universal? No.

It is imperative to say that love is universal? Yes.

I identify as a cisgender heterosexual Black Italian woman. I’m a European Afro-Latina whose most formative adult years got to be shaped in the United States of America, specifically in New York City. From 2016 to 2020 I came across a vast spectrum of topics, disciplines, and communities through which I’ve been learning so much about my own identity and heritages, but also about the ways I relate to love.

Love played a huge role during my college years. As a concept and as a real life experience through romance, friendships, and self-esteem. The woman I am today comes from all the turbulent and vivid stories of love I happened to move in, finding both dark and light, sorrows and smiles. Ultimately, self-love and love for life.

When I was a freshman I was part of the feminist club and I took part in the production of the “Vagina Monologues” by Eve Ensler. That experience introduced me to sexuality, independent liberation, and intersectionality for the very first time in my life. The materials I was served by the community (books, scripts, movies, songs, performances, talks, civil protests, etc.) eventually led me to the world of the LGBTQ+ community, considering that many members of the clubs I was in my school were gays, lesbians, transgender, and some even asexuals and non-binary. From the jump, I considered myself an ally. I never went through a phase where I questioned my own sexuality, but I did question my knowledge in navigating this community while exploring other sides of my persona - as a biracial Black woman, as an immigrant, as a mixed Italian-Brazilian (not Hispanic, only Latina). No matter the good intentions I always had for the community, sometimes I used to not understand certain words (like cis, trans, the suffix -x, etc.), was not aware of certain historical and cultural contexts (Pride month and voguing for example), as well as the use of pronouns they/them (because in Italian, differently from English, you’re always required to specify the gender and the verbs are conjugated accordingly - even though today the syntax is evolving into a much more inclusive language).

In four years my allyship got more and more refined and punctual, day by day. Now I feel secure in my position, where and how I stand in the community. I recognize the time when I can speak up and other times when I should listen and learn (most of the time - and it’s ok!). This June, on my platform, I wanted to give space and interview queer BIPOC creatives.

My journey into being an LGBTQ+ ally has been going hand in hand with my own journey of self-discovery in exploring my Blackness and womanhood, a duality tied to a vibrant and cosmopolitan identity rooted both in Europe and in South America. As I analyze these labels and social constructs I usually ponder on this: how have all these people, experiences, and locations impacted my love life?

The way I live, perceive, and view love has evolved over the years. From teenage crushes to excruciating traumatic heartbreaks, love has been for a long time the “because” of many actions, especially in college. I closed (symbolically and mentally) a very important and necessary chapter of my life with the publication of my book and the launching of my digital editorial space, The Curly Flower, and its magazine Fashion On The Beat. I wanted to elevate my love and extend it to a greater space, to more people, who look and believe in the power of love (personal, romantic, familial, friendships, community love) like me. That chapter of my life holds many joys as well as many heartbreaking moments. Times where I wanted to cease to exist in this physical universe, where I loathed my love languages, where peer pressure and lack of self-esteem were at the top of my head.

Love (self-love) saved me from making me sad and irreplaceable decisions. Once I saw the love my closest friends and family had towards me (and the restoring ancestral connections with nature I had the chance to experience in both Brazil and Puerto Rico), I realized that my life couldn’t be wasted on tears, anxiety, and unreciprocated affections. The change was slow, but I poured all my energy into fashion, journalism, and social justice, which led my work to a greater and broader audience. The Black and Latinx, along with the AAPI and LGTBQ+ communities here in the USA were the ones that welcomed me and also challenged me to find myself through other different forces, engagements, and purposes in that phase of my life. It is through the representation of different love stories, romantic narratives, and displays of affections (along with many Buddhist readings, intersectional activism, meditation, and lots of Amy Winehouse, Ariana Grande, and Jhene Aiko) within creatives that I regained faith in the power of love.

I found solace in the idea of love, even when I still used to think was a luxury to be loved by someone. Eventually, I found peace in my heart in knowing, developing, and showing off my love languages through my actions. I’m a journalist, I love reporting stories. I’m a creative, I love executing ideas with different media, messages, and emotions. I’m an activist, I love representing the underrepresented.

For this bunch of reasons, I wanted to dedicate the month of June and the first editorial campaign of Fashion On The Beat to the importance of showcasing love in the Black queer community, whose members don’t get to shine or share their joys as lovers and creatives in mainstream media as much as their White, cis, hetero peers.

Here following an analysis of the four words we’re going to use this month: Black, Queer, Love, Joy.

Black: it’s important to represent the desire of being loved, to give, and to show love in Black communities, on a global scale. For the purpose of this monthly themed campaign (along with its complexity), we’re going to focus on celebrating African American love stories and creatives based in the New York City Metropolitan Area - how their passions and environment influenced their love lives

Queer: homosexuals, transgenders, and non-binary love stories are still a small niche in media. It is time to change the lenses and start showing a real façade of love, which is not limited to heteronormativity.

Love: there’s no fixed day of love, any moment can be a celebration of love. In Brazil, o dia dos namorados (the day of lovers) is on June 12th. It was important to me to highlight this fact and I chose June as the perfect month to emphasize the idea that love should be welcomed in any form, time, and place.

Joy: love is joy. Fluidity in sex and gender are joys to be shared. Being Black is a blessed joy. What’s left to say? Let’s celebrate it all, Black Queer Love Joy!

Love is a universal imperative. Let’s all give it a shot by believing in it and cherishing it, even when the world doesn’t want us to do so.